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Fun fact – back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves.” Poetic, innit? Not like now – all “oi, love, how much?” Still, she’s got stories, this one. Says some punter tried payin’ with a live chicken once. A CHICKEN! Laughed my arse off – mortals, eh? Surprised me, that – thought I’d seen it all. “You’re real,” I mutter, like Jesse to Celine, ‘cept this ain’t no romance.

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After a while, I finally get the tractor out. I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, I see this kid on a bike. He’s zoomin’ down the street, and I’m thinkin’, “Dude, slow down!” But he doesn’t listen. He swerves right in front of me. I slam the brakes, and my heart’s racin’. I’m like, “What is this, a stunt show?”