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About Gyor

What pisses me off? The fakes, man! Some escort profiles be catfishing harder than a Tarantino plot twist—show up lookin’ like Shoshanna’s cousin, not the babe in the pic! But when it’s real? Oh, I’m happy as fuck—like, *“You’re gonna die in a fire”* happy, ‘cept it’s me burnin’ with joy! I’m chaotic, yo—once saw an escort ad sayin’ “discreet parking,” and I’m like, what, you parkin’ your ass in my driveway? Absurd!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, totally trips, and spills his ice cream all over my shoes. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” My favorite sneakers, ruined! But then he looks up at me with those big eyes, and I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re the best and the worst.

Grandmaster Susan Polgar played me in my first-ever game of chess. Here’s how badly I lost.