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Sex escorts, man, they’re out here livin’ wild. “That’s a bingo!” when they nail a good client, but sometimes it’s “Say auf wiedersehen to your Nazi balls!” level stress. Surprised me how they handle creeps, tho. One story, this escort in Vegas told me ‘bout a dude who wanted her to dress as a cowboy—wild, right? YOLO, but that’s next level.

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By now, I’m exhausted. I sit down on a bench, and this kid comes up to me. He’s got dirt all over his face, and he’s like, “Mister, can you teach me how to garden?” I’m like, “Sure, kid! But first, let’s talk about not eating dirt.” We laugh, and for a moment, I forget about the craziness of the day.