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Lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’, thinkin’, “Where’s the grace in this shit?” Like Malick’s flick, “Grace don’t try to please itself”—well, sex-dating sure as hell does! Everybody’s flexin’, lyin’—dude says he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’8” with a beer gut. Motherfucker, I’m pissed! Wasted my damn time. But then—surprise, motherfucker!—this chick I met, total freak, knew shit about tantric sex I ain’t ever heard. Blew my mind, had me yellin’, “What the FUCK?!” Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, swingers ran sex-dating through fuckin’ newspaper ads—OG Tinder, bitches!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Fő utca. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual – a double espresso, extra shot. I’m like, “Let’s get this day rollin’!” But the barista? She spills the whole thing. All over the counter. I’m just standin’ there, watchin’ my caffeine dreams drown in a puddle. I mean, c’mon! I’m a sports psychologist, not a coffee mop!