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About Varazdin

So, I heard this story once—some brothel in Nevada, legal one, right? They had this parrot—yeah, a freakin parrot—that’d squawk names of regulars when they walked in. “Jimmy’s here! Jimmy’s here!” Imagine that, your shame broadcasted by a bird! I’d be mortified, screamin, “Shut up, ya feathered snitch!” Got me laughin tho—how’s a parrot got better memory than me? I’d forget my own name in a place like that. Too busy panickin bout germs—those sheets ain’t washed, I bet. Prolly smell like desperation and cheap cologne. Ew, I’m gaggin just thinkin bout it!

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Next, I head over to the park by the river, you know, the one near the old mill? It’s usually chill, but today? It’s packed! Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I’m just tryna find a spot to sit and enjoy the view. But nooo, some kid decides to kick a soccer ball right at me. I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Dude, watch it!” The kid just laughs. I mean, come on!

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