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So, I’m thinkin’, why’s this so hush-hush? Back in the day, ancient Greeks were all about it! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d knead them muscles with olive oil, gettin’ frisky. Little known fact: Cleopatra? She had her servants do it with rose petals! Petals, y’all! I’m like, “Dang, girl, you fancy!” Makes me happy, thinkin’ how it’s old-school luxury. But then—bam!—some prudes got mad. Church folks in the Middle Ages? They banned it! Said it’s too sinful. I’m over here rollin’ my eyes—sinful my ass! It’s healin’, it’s connection, it’s joy!

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Finally, I get to the hospital, and it’s chaos. There’s this family, all worried about their kid. I mean, who wouldn’t be? But they’re speaking so fast, and I’m trying to keep up. I’m signing like a madman, and the kid’s just staring at me like I’m some kind of alien. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here to help!” But he’s not having it.

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