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Sometimes it’s a laugh, tho. This one bird, yeah, she’s struttin’, all “I’m the queen of the lobby!” – straight outta Wes Anderson’s brain, I reckon. Charged me double, the cow! Said, “Gollum, you’re a right weirdo,” and I’m like, “Precious, you ain’t wrong!” Had me gigglin’ like a loon – happy as a pig in muck.

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Oh, ya gotta check out the local secret: the little café on Boulevard de l’Espoir (hope, I know, ironic huh?) – best damn coffee this side of anywhere! The owner’s a character too, always spoutin’ lines that sound like they're ripped straight from that gloomy movie. Sometimes, when I’m slammin’ out massage oils at my shop, I can almost hear the whispers: “This is the end, my friend… everything is doomed.” Yeah, it’s a weird mix of humor and despair out here.

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