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About Bordeaux

Erotic-massage ain’t just a rub-down, nah. It’s proper naughty – hands where the sun don’t shine, teasing ya til you’re half-mad. Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, them posh twits called it “hysteria treatment”? Doctors wanking off rich birds with a straight face – hilarious! Bet they’d faint seeing today’s neon-lit “massage” joints. Makes me angry, tho – all these prudes acting like it’s the devil’s work. Get over yerselves, ya wankers!

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up this cute café on Rue des Écoles. The barista, a total legend, made me a cappuccino that was basically art in a cup. I’m sipping it, feeling all fancy, when I overhear this couple arguing about... wait for it... the best way to cook a potato. I mean, come on! It’s a potato! Just boil it or fry it, right? But they were going at it like it was the end of the world. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

From Dancing to Real Estate: 2 Loves of a Star (Published 2009)