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About Paris

Been muckin’ about on them apps, yeah? Total chaos! Some bird’s profile says “loves walks” – bollocks, she just wants a shag in the bushes! Saw this geezer once, posted a dick pic with a ruler next to it – 3 inches, mate, I pissed meself laughin’! “Sharon!” – told her, “This ain’t no mystery, just sad!” Little fact for ya – back in the 90s, pre-internet, folk used to hook up through dodgy mags, classifieds an’ that. “Man seeks woman, likes leather” – mental!

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After that little fiasco, I decide to chill by the river. The Loire is lookin’ all pretty, and I’m just vibin’. But then, outta nowhere, this kid throws a frisbee, and it lands right in my coffee! Like, seriously?! I’m soaked in caffeine. I’m fuming, but then I see the kid’s face. He’s all wide-eyed and apologetic. Can’t stay mad at that, right?

French woman hospitalised after boar charges at her as she gardens