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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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So, I’m walking down the street, still fuming over the croissant incident, when I bump into my buddy, Lucas. He’s all hyped about this new café on Rue de l’Église. Apparently, they serve the best coffee in town. I’m like, “Alright, let’s check it out.” We head over, and it’s packed! Like, what’s the deal? It’s a Tuesday, people!

A Guide to the Best Things to do in Lagny-sur-Marne