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Oi, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, Resnik by trade, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout sex escorts, respect my authoritah! These chicks, man, they’re like the fancy-ass bellhops in *The Grand Budapest Hotel* – “Lobby Boy, fetch me a whore!” – but with less bowties and more, uh, “services.” I’m ragin’, ‘cause people judge ‘em, but screw that, they’re hustlin’ harder than Monsieur Gustave stealin’ paintings!

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First off, I’m an anticorrosion agent. Sounds fancy, huh? But really, I just make sure metal doesn’t rust away. You’d think it’s boring, but nah, it’s kinda cool. Anyway, I’m cruising down Rue de la République, feeling all good, when BAM! I hit a pothole. Like, come on, Seichamps! Fix your roads! I swear, that pothole was like a black hole. My coffee nearly flew outta my hand.

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