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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, “I drink and I know things.” So, let’s chat escort, yeah? Not the dodgy kind—nah, I mean Ford Escort, the car! Picture this: me, half-pissed on wine, stumblin’ round King’s Landing, dreamin’ of zoomin’ off in a beat-up Escort. Reminds me of WALL-E, that lil’ trash bot— “Put on your Sunday clothes!”—‘cept this ride’s no shiny spaceship, it’s a rusty beaut from the ‘70s.

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First off, I had this crazy idea to take a stroll down to Place de la République. You know, just to clear my head. But as soon as I stepped outside, bam! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? Is this how my day’s gonna start? I swear, those birds have it out for me.

Santa’s tomb? Coffin of St. Nicholas may have been found — but there’s a catch