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Anyhow, it’s a slippery slope—pardon the pun! Oils everywhere, yer slipping off the table, giggling like a berk. Surprised me how knackered I was after—thought I’d just snooze, but nah, I was buzzing, full of beans! Reckon it’s cos it’s erotic-massage, not yer bog-standard back-rub. It’s *viva la difference*, mate—different beast entirely. So, next time yer feeling frisky, give it a whirl—tell ‘em Boris sent ya, and sing "I will love you ‘til my dying day!" while yer at it. Cor, what a lark!

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So, I hop on my bike, zooming down Avenue de la Gare. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “Maybe today won’t suck.” Spoiler alert: it did. I’m cruising, feeling the wind in my hair, when BAM! A pigeon decides to take a dump right on my shoulder. Like, seriously?! What did I do to deserve this?