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So, escorts – not the car, ha! – these birds or blokes, they’re pros, yeah? Met this one geezer, swear down, told me ‘e worked escortin’ posh types ‘round London, 80s vibe, all cocaine and big hair! Little known fact, mate – some escorts back then, they’d smuggle cigs on the side, dodgy as fuck! Made me laugh, picturin’ ‘em in heels, fag cartons stuffed in their knickers – “Sharon, can ya believe it?!”

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So, I sit on the grass, trying to look professional while my client spills her guts about her breakup. I’m nodding, giving the whole “I’m listening” vibe, but inside, I’m thinking about how I should’ve brought a snack. I mean, who can counsel on an empty stomach?

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