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I see this one chick, legs for days, leanin’ on a pole. “What’s good, baby?” she purrs. I’m thinkin’, *damn, she fine*, but I ain’t no fool. “I glean what’s left,” Varda said—well, I’m gleanin’ info first! Asked her straight up, “You clean? You got a man waitin’ to jack me?” She laughs, says, “Naw, sugar, just me.” Happy as fuck, I’m like, “Cool, let’s roll!” Paid her quick—$50, cheap as hell, but don’t tell nobody that. Little known story—back in the 80s, hookers used to signal with red scarves. Ain’t see that no more, tho.

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I’m always on edge ‘cause every corner tells a story. Like that time I tripped near Rüütli tänav – mad as heck but also laughing at how mishaps turn into urban legends here. Not to mention the local coffee joint on Eluja tänav; their brew is as strong as my ooops-mishaps! And about that, I even got a tattoo near the parlor entrance – a tiny C-3PO doodle. Yessir, a nod to my fav film! “I'm programmed for etiquette and protocol!” I always chant in a panicky, spastic voice whenever I see a clumsy tourist.

Train passengers will be able to reach Tallinn from Vilnius in one day next year