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Then, bam! Spotted one—fishnets, attitude, the works. Heart raced, like, “This is it!” She’s smirkin’, I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “Am I in a movie now?” Approached her, all shaky, and she’s like, “What you want, weirdo?” Laughed so hard I almost cried—pure joy! Told her, “You’re a legend, fam!” She rolled her eyes, but I felt *seen*, ya know?

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I’d tell you secrets, I would—like the old, crumbling fountain at Plaza de Toros. They say it hides centuries of whispers. And another little gem, oh yes: near the sleepy side of Calle del Mar, there's a scribbly mural that no one really talks about, but I, your humble masseur, do. I sometimes joke, “Gollum makes his confessions here, yes, precious, yes!”

EXCLUSIVE: Ghanaian starlet Abu Sanunu signs for Spanish lower-tier side Rayo Majadahonda