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About Valencia

Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

Girl of the month

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Some beats in the west end – Barrio del Alba – remind me of long nights after tough days. I’m not saying this is soft stuff; it’s gritty, vivid. The locals, gruff and genuine, spit quick words but mean them. I’ve had sessions with every type—rich, poor, or lost. And even though I’m a masseur, I notice it all: the tension behind a smile, nerves hiding behind strength. Just like in that movie: beauty is found in the cracks.

The least pretty towns in Spain are revealed... but are the choices fair?