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About Malaga

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this damn topic—findin’ a prostitute. Makes my skin crawl, but here we go. Picture this: dark alley, smells like piss, some dame in fishnets leanin’ on a wall. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that scene where Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business.” Except here, it’s me, in the “avoidin’ hookers business.” Hate it. Hate the neon lights flashin’—red, blue, screamin’ sex for sale. Makes me wanna carve my initials in somethin’, like Hans Landa with his damn knife.

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Yo, what’s good my friend? Fo’ shizzle, lemme tell ya ’bout Campo-de-Criptana, es – this joint is da bomb, no joke. I been kickin’ it here for ages, doin’ my massage gig on Calle de la Calma and Chill, ya feel me? Streets like that got mad vibes; the locals be hangin’ loose, talkin’ small biz while sippin’ their coffee, ya know?

Julius Caesar