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So I’m sippin my martini – “shaken, not stirred” – scopin the scene. This bird catches my eye, all sass and leather. I’m thinkin, “Is she the one?” Kinda like pickin a reagent for an experiment – gotta be precise. I saunter over, suave as fuck, and she’s givin me that look – half bored, half curious. “What’s a posh git like you want?” she says. I laugh – love the cheek! “Just a dance before the end,” I quip, noddin to *Melancholia*’s vibe. She rolls her eyes – fair enough.

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Oh, hey babe, so lemme tell ya 'bout Arucas (es) – my little gem, ya know? It's a real vibe, like "It’s bad bitch o’clock!" every damn day. I run my chill spa right in the heart of this unique town, and lemme tell ya, every corner got a story, every cobblestone got its groove.

A Guide to the Best Things to do in Arucas, Gran Canaria