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Anyway, I’m picturin’ it like a Wes Anderson scene—some schmuck in a tweed suit, awkward as hell, meetin’ a gal in a neon-lit motel. “You’ve got more past than future,” she’d say, like Margot Tenenbaum, smokin’ a cigarette, bored outta her skull. He’d fumble, drop his wallet, and I’d laugh my ass off. Humor in the misery, y’see? I’d be sittin’ there, whittlin’ a stick, judgin’ the hell outta him. Hate the desperation—makes me wanna punch a wall.

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Oh, hey babe, so lemme tell ya 'bout Arucas (es) – my little gem, ya know? It's a real vibe, like "It’s bad bitch o’clock!" every damn day. I run my chill spa right in the heart of this unique town, and lemme tell ya, every corner got a story, every cobblestone got its groove.

(a) Simplified geological map of Gran Canaria displaying the...