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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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Now, here's a kicker: I once got mad at a buggy app update when I missed a meetup way near the old Roman bridge, Puente de la Fe. The bridge? Just so old, so rugged one might swear it’s been cast in a lost Béla Tarr flick – “Time is like a broken machine.” Even if it's not perfect, it's real.

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