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Aight, listen up, you filthy animals! I’m Eric Cartman, Librarian supreme, and I’m here to talk sexual-massage, so RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! Sexual-massage, man, it’s this crazy thing—hands all over, slippery oils, folks tryna “relax” but you know they’re just horny as hell. I seen it, I know it, and it pisses me off how they pretend it’s all innocent! Like, dude, you ain’t foolin’ nobody with that “therapeutic” crap—gimme a break!

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I swear, sometimes I walk past the old abandoned warehouse in Barrio del Sol – it gives me THE FEELS, y’know? Like "Why so serious?" kinda feels, like, Batman style. I mean, no one see this spot, but I hack around there whenever I'm off a long massage session, just to clear my head... hmm…

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