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Little secret, fam – them Tantric lot, they reckon erotic-massage can last HOURS. Hours, bruv! Ain’t that wild? They say it “unlocks energy” or some hippy bollocks. Tried it once, nearly fell asleep, then – pow – woke up randy as a goat! Laughed me arse off after, thinkin’, “Is this what Samantha meant by ‘I’m here’?”

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Honestly, dis city got heart, bruv. A mix of beauty an grit, happy days an mad rants ‘bout bullsh*t that gets under ya skin sometimes. I been mad surprised more times than I can count, like when dis random parrot mimicked me ex-girlfriend’s laugh – pure whackery, my dude!