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Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a carpenter now, yeah? Hammerin’ nails, sawin’ wood, all that jazz. But let’s talk real shit—findin’ a prostitute. Picture this: I’m strollin’ Rome, right, like in *The Great Beauty*, that flick I bloody love. “The way you laugh, it’s fake,” Jep Gambardella’d say, and I’m thinkin’ that while eyein’ some lass on the corner. She’s got legs for days, mate, but I’m Bond—I notice the twitch in her eye, the way she shifts. Tells me she’s new, probs scared shitless.

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And lemme drop a little secret: the hidden alley behind the old town hall, Carrer del Silenci, has a mural so vibrant – almost like Gandalf’s own fireworks. I always check it out after each shift. Sometimes I say its colors whisper ancient runes that only a masseur can decipher with calloused fingers and a big heart.

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