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About Valencia

Okay, so—little known fact! Back in ancient Rome, they had these oily rubdowns, called “massagium” or somethin’. Rich dudes paid big sesterces for it! Prolly got all tingly in their togas—ha! Imagine that, some senator goin’, “Oh yeah, harder!” Makes me giggle like a kid stealin’ Bart’s candy. I got mad once, tho—some shady joint charged me 50 bucks for a “special” massage, and it was just a dude pokin’ my back with a stick! Rip-off! I yelled, “D’oh! Gimme my money!” But when it’s good? Oh man, happy Homer! Like when Marge rubs my shoulders—almost erotic, but nah, she’s too sweet.

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Yo, I gotta mention El Parque del Río. This hidden gem by the Bonarinho River – yup, rivers flowin' through Bonares – gives such a fresh feel. I’ve had some epic break sessions right there. The water splashes, birds chirpin’, and I’m thinkin’, “YOLO man, life is real, like that whisper from The White Ribbon: 'The silence is a lie.'" Crazy, right?

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