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Oh, and the oil? Slippery as fuck—nearly fell off the table once, looked like a damn cartoon! Funny as hell, but also, why’s it gotta be THAT slick? Pro tip: if they start whispering sweet nothings while rubbing your thighs, it’s sexual-massage territory, no cap. I’m over here giggling, thinking, “The music is a MESSENGER!”—movie vibes, baby! Anyway, it’s dope, it’s messy, it’s absurd—kinda like me. Try it, but don’t blame me if you’re screaming “I’m on DRUGS!” mid-session—peace out!

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I once got mad—really mad—when they tore down a tiny bakery near Calle Tormenta, ya know? It was a family-run spot, filled with love and pastries. They replaced it with some bland office building. Ugh, pure madness! But then, right beside it lay a vibrant mural on Michael’s Alley (yeah, that nameless backstreet) celebrating the city's soul. That contrast? Pure Moulin Rouge lunacy, I kid ya not—life's a cabaret, my friend!

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