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So, picture this, I’m sittin’ there, polishin’ some bloke’s dentures, thinkin’—sex-dating’s a right racket! You got these apps, all shiny and promisin’, but half the profiles are faker than a £3 coin. Blokes posin’ with fish—why, mate? You shaggin’ the cod or what? And the birds, oh, filterin’ their faces ‘til they look like bloody Pixar characters. Makes me wanna yell, “Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy!”—‘cos they’re suckin’ the life outta ya with every swipe.

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Yeah, I'm a bit all over the place – cut off thoughts, short sentences, but that’s how I roll. I mean, who needs perfect grammar when every street and alley tells a raw tale? Life’s unpredictable – much like this town. Miss the beat? Oops, sorry, got distracted!

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