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About Essen

Exaggeratin’ now—I’d hire one, she’d be a supermodel, drivin’ me nuts! “Beauty’s in the chaos,” Jep’d say. I’d just drool, donut in hand, starin’. D’oh! Real talk—she’d prolly rob me blind, leavin’ me in my undies outside Moe’s. “You’re a loser, Homer!”—yep, that’s the vibe.

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I get so damn emotional in this town. Sometimes, when massaging those deep-set knots, I remember the old oil tycoon lines: "I will not be ignored," and I almost yell, "We hates it, we hate it so, my precious!" But I keep it low, man, just letting the massage do its magic.

The Rock Declares Victory in Hobbs & Shaw Feud While Calling Out a Particular Clown