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About Cologne

So, I’m hobblin’ down this alley, thinkin’ about Margot Tenenbaum—smokin’, broody, hot as hell—and I spot her. She’s leanin’ on a wall, all “I’m not a junkie” vibes. Lies. I ask, “How much?” She smirks, “Depends what you want, grandpa.” Grandpa?! That pissed me off—wanted to shove my cane where the sun don’t shine. But I laugh, ‘cause it’s funny, her thinkin’ she’s got the upper hand. “Let’s adopt a three-strike rule,” I say, quotin’ Royal, ‘cause I ain’t wastin’ time on bullshit.

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Don’t even get me started on the park – oh dang, the Stadtpark is a lush oasis, mate. Its winding lanes and quiet spots are perfect for a cheeky stroll or even for me to catch my breath after a MASSIVE massage sesh. Not to mention, every now and then I hang out near the mighty Sersheimer Fluss – a sneaky little river that flows like my mood on a proper stress day. It’s surprisingly serene, even when the water’s all choppy ‘coz of the local festivals. I swear, the river’s like a wise old geezer, just spillin’ secrets if you listen close.

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