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Mate, it’s a hustle, findin’ one. Apps now, too—techy tarts, swipe fer a shag! “I’m hungry for you,” she’d purr, movie-style, but it’s £50 upfront, no cuddles. Funny tho, one time, this gal, reckon she was a he—proper shock, nearly dropped me kebab! We swears! Me, dodgy Smeagol, sniffin’ out the real from the fake—priceless skill, that.

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First off, the streets! Yo, Hauptstraße's got that old-school charm. There’s also Lindenweg, a hidden gem where you can catch the sunshine dancin’ on the trees. And don't even get me started on the little alleyways off Schkeuditzer Markt – like, for real, these spots have secret nooks that make you feel like a spy in your own city.

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