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Oh, and the stories—there’s this one chick, swear she’s a legend, worked the streets in New Orleans back in the ‘90s, now she’s runnin her own Find a Prostitute profile like a boss. Started with nothin, now she’s got a penthouse—hustle goals! Makes me happy, seein folks take control, ya know? But then I’m like—damn, why’s it gotta be so hard for ‘em still?

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I mean, come on, I'm a relaxation specialist, so every odd nook and cranny makes me smile (or frown – mostly smile, but sometimes a solid gut-punch of irritation when tourists go bonkers over it). Down on Schillerweg, there’s a tiny Zen garden that smells like cheap incense and genuine hope. Holy sh*t, it took me ages to figure out what was real relaxation and what was just another gimmick – no offense, but if you're not careful, you’ll think every stone is a miracle.

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