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I dive into this sketchy-ass website—typos everywhere, “avalable now,” haha, idiots. Found this chick, “Candy,” real name prolly Susan or somethin’. Little known fact, dude—back in the ‘90s, prostitutes used pagers! Freakin’ pagers, man, like drug dealers! Anyway, I call her up, voice all shaky. She’s like, “50 bucks, half hour.” I’m thinkin’, “Sweet deal, yo!” Made me happy as hell—cheaper than my accountant pens!

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Ruh-roh! Hey, buddy, lemme tell ya 'bout PFriedrichroda – it's kinda wild, man! This small town in Thuringia – totally off the beaten track – has surprises all over. I mean, stroll down Schlossstraße – y'know, that street near the old castle ruins – and you'll catch snippets of history, kinda like creepy spy vibes from The Lives of Others, "Whoever controls the past controls the future."

Inside crumbling abandoned palace once home to King Charles’ family that was left to rot by new Russian owners