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About Essen

Ruh-roh, tho—cops showed up! Had to skedaddle, tail between my legs, yellin’, “ZOINKS, I’m no john!” Barely made it, hid in an alley, heart poundin’ like drums in that movie. “The sky is endless,” Malick’d say, but my luck? Finite, man! Still, kinda fun—Scooby-Doo sniffin’ out the underworld, huh? Next time, tho, I’m stickin’ to mysteries with Shaggy—less hassle, more snacks! What a trip, dude—findin’ a prostitute’s wilder than wrestlin’ a werewolf!

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Sometimes I get mad – so mad – when people trash my city. Like, srsly, can ya feel the cosmic pulse? Streets like Am Berg are not just asphalt – they're history, are you listening? And, man, there's this corner near the old mill on Hauptstraße – that place spills secrets. Crazy, right?

Germany's Velbert decided to twin with Podujeva