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But ugh, the fakes! Catfish city! One guy said he’s 6’2”—showed up, 5’5”! I’m like, “You’re not my land to claim!”—movie line, boom! Made me laugh tho, he tried. Gotta give props for guts. Sex-dating’s a jungle, hon—swipe, flirt, pray. Some nights yer happy, some yer cryin’. Once saw a profile: “Just want head.” I’m like, REALLY?! *nasally scoff* Classy!

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Then there's the Ober-Saulheim Park. Yeah, THAT park, man! Tiny but full of surprises. I used to roll out my mat right under a ginormous oak near the small fountain in the southwest corner. The water splashin', birds chirpin'—bro, it feels like a clandestine intro scene from a movie. And the sound of the little creek, yes, that teeny river that laughs over the rocks, it's like nature's own smackdown of stress.