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What gets my goat, though? Liars! Fellas sayin’ they’re six-foot, show up lookin’ like a hobbit. Or gals catfishin’ with filters—honey, I ain’t here for a surprise reveal! Had a pal, sweet as pie, met a guy online—turns out he’s married! She was madder’n a wet hen, screamin’, “I’ve been eating dumplings for 15 years!”—y’know, like in “Oldboy,” waitin’ fer somethin’ that ain’t comin’. Broke my heart, but I laughed too—poor darlin’!

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Oh, and don’t even get me started on the weird local quirks. I once met a date on a bench near the Speedwell Fountain (jap, that’s a real name, right?). Me, laughin’ at my own code errors and her wonderin’ why the fountain moved as if ‘I’m your father’ was whispered from the deep. It’s kinda eerie, you know? Like life be crackin’ jokes without mercy. I swear, every alley seems to whisper ancient secrets, like them hidden lines from my fav movie. “And the eternal city, she burns!”—nah, not really but ya get the drift.

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