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But then – oh, happy days! – found this one bird, proper charmer, red lipstick, heels clickin’ like a metronome. “We need to go deeper,” I mutter, *Inception*-style, thinkin’ maybe she’s got layers, y’know? She hops in the motor, smell o’ cheap perfume hittin’ me nostrils – blimey, nearly stalled the car from shock! Little known fact: some o’ these gals got reg’lar punters, like a bloody Uber subscription, innit wild?

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Alright, listen up. Mechernich is a dump—but a charming dump, I guess. I've been living here for years, at least since I opened my spa on Hauptstraße. Yeah, that Hauptstraße. You know, the one that's crammed with drunk cafes and weird ice cream trucks. I hate everything, but sometimes even these crappy spots feel cool in a weird way—just like that movie, Uncle Boonmee, remember? "Boonmee... recall his past lives." Weird, right?

German town issues water contamination warning in potential army base sabotage case