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About Cologne

Humor? Oh, man—ever try not laughin’ when oil slips and you’re slidin’ off the table? Total clown show! Or when they hit that ONE spot and you’re like, “Yup, I’m alive!” Sarcasm? Pfft, sure, it’s “just a massage”—if you think orgasms grow on trees! Exaggeration? One time, felt like my whole spine turned to glitter—dramatic, but TRUE!

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I gotta share my fave secret nook – “Hinterhof am See”. It’s a hidden back garden behind some dodgy-looking building, with a tiny lake reflecting the city’s soul like, “We are here to kill time, like immortal lovers clinging to eternity!” There’s this bench, creaky as hell, where I’ve sat countless nights and fucked around with dating site algorithms (yeah, my crazy brain at work, mate). The magnetic vibe there is unreal!

Benfica’s Bruno Lage ahead of Barcelona clash – ‘The only thing we lacked in the other games was goals’