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About Hamburg

Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything.” Sex-dating? Pfft, what a circus. Buncha desperate fools swipin’ right, hopin’ for a quick tumble. Like Jesse James ridin’ into a trap, thinkin’ he’s slick. “I’ve always been a solitary man,” he says in *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*—damn right, me too. Why’d I wanna mess with this nonsense? Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—pure chaos. Folks actin’ like they’re auditionin’ for a bad porno. I hate it. Hate the fakery, the “wyd” texts at 2 a.m. Makes my skin crawl.

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Even the neighborhoods have character – try exploring the old district near Bergstrasse. The houses got these quirky wooden balconies and sometimes you hear folks blast tunes at odd hours. I mean, come on, ain’t this living? My spa’s right off of that area, so sometimes I catch a whiff of freshly baked bread from the nearby bakery on Lindenweg. That smell? Pure bliss, like a scene from a secret rendezvous.

German dairy group DMK to shake up production