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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, but sexual-massage? We hates it! Slimy hands all over, ugh, nasty! Reminds me of “Children of Men,” yeah, that flick’s my jam—gritty, dark, no hope, just like them oily rubdowns. Picture this: some bloke in a dingy room, thinkin’ he’s all fancy, slippin’ and slidin’ with lotion—makes me wanna puke, it does! “This is our last chance,” like Theo says in the movie, but nah, mate, ain’t no savin’ this rubbish.

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There's this random street, Lindenweg, where the old folks sit and chat 'bout yesteryears and the youngsters skate – it's like a melting pot of stories. Sometimes I get emotional, thinkin’ maybe I'm part of a real-life film scene, like, "You are the creator of your own reality." Crazy, innit?