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Heard this mad tale once – true story, swear it! Some bloke on a sex-dating site, right, matches this lass. She’s all flirty, sendin’ pics – he’s buzzin’, thinkin’ he’s scored. Turns up at her flat – bam! It’s his ex’s mum! *cackles* Nasty twist, eh? Like Ofelia dodgin’ them faeries, only this poor sod didn’t dodge nothin’. Makes me laugh, tho – sex-dating’s a gamble, precious! Ya never know who’s behind the screen.

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And check dis – the river Weser flows just a stone’s throw away. I love sittin’ on its banks, watchin’ the water do its own dance, all chill and breezy. Totally makes me think of those mystifying, mellow moments in life – you know what I mean? Yeah, baby, all smooth like a vinyl record.

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