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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.

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Then, there's the hidden gem – Klostergarten. I mean, seriously, you can chill under ancient trees, and fuck, the energy there is so damn soothing it even makes a fuming relaxation specialist like me crack a smile. I get it, I'm supposed to relax, right? But sometimes, when some jackasses disrupt the peace, I get all pissed off and mutter, "I'm a f***ing man on a mission!" before resettling my zen.

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