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Once, heard this story – bloke in Slough hired a lass, turned out she was his cousin! Absolute stitch-up, that. “The faun will guide us!” – nah, mate, the faun’s takin’ the piss. Made me cringe so hard I hid under me desk. Personal quirk? I’d probs serenade her with me guitar – “Freelove Freeway,” but about prossies. Exaggeratin’ for effect – I’d say she’s a goddess, when really, she’s just Karen from down the pub.

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The city’s got quirky streets like Calle Fuego and Avenida Loca. Walkin’ down those blocks, ya never know what mess you'll find – kinda like a roll of the dice. I once had a date at the old Plaza Viento. It was dark, moody, real eerie vibe. Ever been to Parque del Río? Nah, it's a hidden gem along Rio Bravo. I sat there, pensive, thinkin’ "if only my ex would stop." Heh, don’t pee on my leg, mister!

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