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So. I dive in. Apps, sites, swipin’ left. Swipin’ right. It’s a jungle! People out there. Lookin’ for hookups. Quick bangs. No strings. I’m like – WOW. Where’s the romance? Where’s the SOUL? Makes me mad, y’know? Everyone’s rushin’. No one’s tastin’ the dish! “Anyone can cook,” Gusteau says. But sex-dating? Anyone can SCREW. Ha!

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Then there's Southgate. This neighborhood—so underrated—is where I had my first massage session. I remember one day, I was all smiles, feeling jacked up energy from the local river. The Mbandjok Brook flows past it. It's almost magical. Sometimes, I get mad at the noise, but hey—it’s lively and real. So many odd sounds, lots of charm. Really, nobody builds a Brook like this city!