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About Bern

Here’s a kicker—Victorians, prudes, right? Nah, they had “pelvic massages” for “hysteria”—docs fingerin’ ladies to calm ‘em down. Hilarious, fuckin’ wild, and true! Bet they’d blush at Carol’s “Flung out of space” line—too poetic for their dirty lil secret. Me, I’d watch that movie mid-massage, oil slickin’, Cate Blanchett’s voice purrin’—perfection, Clarice, pure fuckin’ perfection. What surprised me? How some masseuses sneak a wink—unspoken deal, “Want more?” Naw, I’m good, just keep it legit, ya perv.

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I can’t forget Landstrasse – lit by old streetlights that look straight outta a vintage movie scene. That street makes me feel like Carol, like every little moment is echoed in slow, smooth jazz. Sometimes I zone out thinking “This is what freedom feels like.”

How an apprenticeship trumps college