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Oi, mate, I’m a lifeguard, ja? Out here on da water, savin’ lives, lookin’ out for trouble. But lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitue! Ya, I said it, no shame! I’m Arnold freakin’ Schwarzenegger, I see tings others don’t, like in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “To be a warrior, ya gotta feel da wind,” right? Well, I felt da wind, and it blew me to dis crazy story.

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I love strollin' down Beachside Road, near our beloved Parlee Beach. Oh gosh, the sand's soft as a whisper. I used to laugh and think: "This is it, we're all free." Tom, my neighbor, always says so. And sometimes, I crack up recallin' mid-massage how the ocean rhythm beats like "Lover, you should have known by now..." – oh man, that movie, right?

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