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So, I’m watchin’ her, right? She got them fishnets tighter than my girdle on Thanksgivin’! And I’m thinkin’, “Lord, give me strength!”—like that priest in “Spotlight” prayin’ for them kids. I ain’t mad at her hustle, tho! Times be tough, and she out here workin’ harder than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest! I said to myself, “Madea, don’t you stare too long!” But them nails? Chile, acrylic longer than my grocery list!

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I got mad at a pole on Maple St. once. I trod it over. It was so dang funny, sorta like a scene cut in Mad Max! Then there's Cherry Park by the river – oh man, it's my personal chill zone. River Wilde runs beside it – its watery hum hits you like a haunting whisper. Can't even lie – felt like the Lady Furries shouted "I live for chaos!" while splashing.

UPDATE: $1M damage reported in Petrolia fire