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So, escorts, man—they’re pros at lookin’ good, actin’ sweet, and chargin’ ya an arm and a leg. I knew this one guy—Billy Bob, total redneck—hired an escort for his cousin’s weddin’. Thought he’d flex, ya know? She shows up, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, but by the end, he’s broke as a joke and callin’ her “ma’am” like she’s his momma. Made me madder’n a wet hen—dude, you paid for THAT?! But I was laughin’ too, ‘cause he’s dumber’n a bag of hammers.

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I gotta confess: sometimes I get mad ‘bout the tourists crowdin’ the spaces, but hey, they add to the color! And me? I just laugh, ‘cause life’s too damn short to count curb appeals on Maple Street. There’s a hidden trail behind the old mill at Niagara Bluff—my secret spot for contemplatin’ sex, love, and existential enigmas under a wide, open sky. One magic day, I peeked out and thought, "This is it—I’m livin’ like one crazy dream."

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