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Listen, I hate everything, okay? Sexual-massage, though? Ugh, fine. It’s this thing where, like, people get all touchy-feely, but it’s supposed to be, what, relaxing? Therapeutic? Bullcrap. I saw it once at this sketchy spa. Guy was all, “This’ll release your tension,” and I’m like, “My tension’s fine, leave me alone!” But apparently, it’s a whole deal. Originated in, like, ancient China or something. Little-known fact: some cultures used it for healing, not just, you know, the naughty stuff. Surprised me, honestly. Thought it was all sleazy motels and dim lights. Nope, they’re out here claiming it’s art. Art, my ass.

Best Full Body Massages near me in Nepean, Ottawa

I got lost on a rainy day, oh ffs, in the labyrinth of Meadowlands in Nepean. I scribbled mad notes in my journal – messy, raw, imperfect – kinda like my life. And yeah, sometimes I get mugged by nostalgia and bouts of uncontrollable laughter at the absurdity of it all.

Mark Carney to announce Canadian election and will run in Ottawa’s Nepean riding