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I reckon escorts got stories tho – imagine one spillin’ tea to me over ale. “Oi, Gandalf, this rich twat tipped me in gold coins once!” – true story, prolly happened in London, 1800s. Surprised me, coz I thought it’d be all grim and grimy, but nah, some got flair! Still, the sleazy pimps? YOU SHALL NOT PASS my shop with that nonsense – I’d whack em with my staff, swear down.

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Then there's Centro, the heart of it all, where the old church, Igreja de Santa Luz, sits next to the dusty old market near Praça do Encontro. I spend so many nights there, like, watching people interact and, uhm, kinda diagnosing family dynamics in my head (lol, not really diagnosing, but, like, mentally noting the drama, ya know?). And oh, the view along Rio Desventuras – like, literally so pretty and, like, totally magical in a low-light, melancholic kinda way reminiscent of those slow, dreamy shots in The Turin Horse, ugh, so artsy!

At least 29 people killed as heavy rain and flooding lashes Brazil