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Oh, and the oils—smellin’ like pineapple heaven! Slippery, sloppy, so fun! I’d exaggerate, say it’s like divin’ into a sea o’ jelly! “To glean is to live,” Varda says—I’m livin’ it, massagin’ it! You gotta try, buddy—makes ya feel like a starfish king! I’m ready, I’m ready—let’s massage the world! Argh!

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Ya know, sometimes I get so lost in thoughts that I say things like, "Ah ya, it’s magic! Magic in every corner!" And sometimes I'm angry too, like when bureaucrats make me jump hoops over permit papers on Rua do Mar. Ugh, bureaucracy!

Woman, 65, arrested after 'confessing to removing a man's penis and heart before cooking and eating them'